What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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