Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
