she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
