Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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