The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
