When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
