And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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