some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
