I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
