Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
