The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize