i permit you to call me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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