someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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