Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
