Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
