he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
