I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
