I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
