also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
