why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The beer is more important than you right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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