Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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