"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
