My Higher Power is John Stamos
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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