do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
