your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
