No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
