I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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