dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
