Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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