put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
