It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
