so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
