I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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