I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
