I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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