P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
