you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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