my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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