Rock
Scissors
Fuck
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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