So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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