Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
