Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
