I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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