Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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