If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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