apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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