i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
