I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
