Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do vagina's smell?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
