i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
