he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize