the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
