id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
