I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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