I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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