Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
