I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
