I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When are your genitals available?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
