You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
