So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
