Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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