I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
