i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
