dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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