Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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