He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
