I will die if light touches me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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