it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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