I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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