So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
