I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
