in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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